Yin Yang Eyes
In Yin Yang Eyes, Léa, Mary and Rose are taken with their lawyer. In turn, the lawyer and his detective friend take the women for a ride.
A dark comedy in One Act.
The time is the present.
The settings are a law office, indoors and outdoors in a quiet neighbourhood, a strip plaza with a kiosk and coffee shop, and a lecture hall.
3 WOMEN IN THEIR EARLY FIFTIES:
LÉA A typical Virgo; she is earthy, analytical and wears practical clothing.
MARY A typical Pisces; she is idealistic, dreamy, and has a bohemian style.
ROSE A typical Aquarius; she is impulsive, has flashes of insight and an edgy style of dress.
Yin Yang Eyes Glow-in-the-dark eye stickers
LAWYER A dramatic man in his early fifties. Everything he says and does is measured to create conflict. His cell phone is on vibrate mode.
ASSISTANT An extension of the Lawyer. A woman in her thirties.
CLERK 1 (bald), CLERK 2 (scruffy), and CLERK 3 (bearded) Men under the tutelage of the experienced Lawyer.
Masks Ghost, Zombie and Frankenstein
DETECTIVE A man in his early fifties with a dark sense of humour. When he is seen, he is off duty, in casual clothes and wears a toque. His cell phone is on vibrate mode.
Vehicles They are cardboard cut-outs on wheels, with holes for windows and handles on both sides. The car signs are fastened with Velcro.
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 Young and arrogant
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #2 Simply naïve
Coffee shop attendant
Cell phone kiosk salesperson
Lecture hall audience
A law office. The ASSISTANT stands behind a reception desk. The LAWYER sits at a table in a conference room doing paperwork. There is a passageway between the reception desk and the conference room where CLERKS 1, 2 and 3 are busy filing, photocopying and answering phone calls. A coat rack in the passageway has 3 identical grey wool overcoats.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE enter the law office and head over to speak with the Assistant. They each carry a folder.
LÉA Hi, we have an appointment with the Lawyer.
ASSISTANT Good morning. You must be Léa, Mary and Rose.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Yes.
ASSISTANT Follow me please.
The Assistant leads the 3 women along the passageway to the conference room.
ASSISTANT (to the Lawyer) Léa, Mary and Rose are here to see you.
LAWYER Okay. Thank you.
The Assistant returns to her desk. The Lawyer rises to greet the women. When he rises, a soft, comforting baritone sax begins to play in the background.
LAWYER (to the women) Hello, nice to meet you.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Hi, nice to meet you too.
The 3 women observe the Lawyer in silence. There is a… “je ne sais quoi” about him.
LAWYER (having enough of being observed) Please come in, take a seat.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Thank you.
The women take a seat while the Lawyer remains standing, hands pressed to the table.
LAWYER What can I do for you.
LÉA Well, as we discussed over the phone, we need to do the legal work to be appointed guardians of our children.
The women slide their folders close to the Lawyer’s hands.
LAWYER Yes, yes, that shouldn’t be a problem. You will have to fill out some forms, provide me with the information I indicated to you –
LÉA (pointing at the folders) Oh, it’s all there.
LAWYER (opening the folders and checking inside) Okay. Is everything here?
LAWYER (putting the folders aside) Very good. (casually) You know that you will have to pass accounts every 3 years.
The women are surprised.
MARY What… I don’t think that applies to us.
LAWYER What do you mean?
MARY Well, we have friends who, like us, have a child with special needs. Some have already done this work and nobody’s mentioned having to pass accounts.
LAWYER It is a requirement. I could make a request for it to be every 5 years instead of 3.
MARY Okay… Actually, no, I don’t think we have to do that. Somebody would have mentioned it.
LAWYER (softly) Sometimes it’s waved.
ROSE (catching his words) Oh! That’s it!
LAWYER But no, not in your case. You do have to.
The women look doubtful.
ROSE (to Lêa and Mary) I’m not sure about this…
LAWYER (polite but don’t-waste-my time attitude) Not a problem. If you’d like, I can bring you the forms and you’re welcome to do the work yourselves.
The Lawyer walks away, and the baritone music stops.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE (inexplicably feeling a sense of loss when he walks away, they reach out to him) Oh no! Please stay!
The Lawyer comes back. When his hands touch the table, the baritone music begins to play again. The women look at each other. They are hesitant but push themselves to go ahead.
LÉA I guess it’s okay. We’d like you to take care of this for us please.
LAWYER (giving them an “are you sure” look, curled hands to his chest) Me?
LÉA, MARY and ROSE (with a sense of déjà vu) Yes, you.
LAWYER Very well, then. I will have my Assistant e-mail you the forms. Once you fill them out, you can e-mail them back and we’ll be in touch.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE (standing and heading out of the conference room) Okay. Thank you.
LAWYER You’re welcome. Bye now.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Bye.
The Lawyer sits at the conference table to look at the folders, and the women walk into the passageway. The baritone sax plays a notch higher. Overcome by a strange feeling, the women steady themselves by holding the coat rack post. They look as if they were under a spell. The baritone sax plays even louder. Facing the audience, the 3 women swoon hand on forehead (this allows them to stick a yin eye on their forehead). When they move their hand away, the audience sees their yin eye appear: the invisible third eye in the centre of their forehead becomes visible.
The 3 women then walk past the 3 Clerks and out of the law office in a daze, making their way offstage. The 3 Clerks swiftly put on a grey overcoat and follow them. They jerk from one side to the other to get the women’s attention. The women turn slightly around once and notice the Clerks’ buffoonery, but don’t know what to make of it. All exit.
The 3 Clerks in grey overcoats push a blue commercial van onstage. They stop halfway across the stage and make as if they’re opening the trunk. They take out a car sign with a picture of a white hand print and the words Dry Cleaning Service. They stick it on the side of the van facing the audience. They go back to the trunk and take out another sign with a white hand print but with the words Pool Cleaning Service. They stick it on the other side of the van. They admire their work and give each other high fives. Then they reach into their coat pockets, pull out a scary mask and put it on. Ghost, Zombie and Frankenstein look at the audience for a moment, then go back to pushing the van offstage.
Rosa Triplex by Dante Gabriel Rossetti, 1874
There are 3 desks arranged in a straight line downstage, each with a laptop and cell phone. The stage is dark and LÉA, MARY and ROSE are standing upstage, their yin eyes glowing.
The 3 women begin to make their way to the desks with purpose. All of a sudden, they are taken aback when headlights are turned on and directed at them, blinding them. The women protect their eyes. The headlights are turned off and the women start walking again. Once again, the headlights are turned on. The women react in puzzlement, shading their eyes and trying to see who’s behind the wheel. The headlights are turned off and the women take a moment to regain their vision and composure, and continue walking. When the headlights are turned on for the third time, they cover their yin eye with one hand and rush over to the desks confused and jittery.
They sit at the desks and do breathing exercises to calm down. The headlights are turned off and the stage brightens. Unseen by the women, the LAWYER comes on stage and casually stands behind them.
LÉA (feeling her practical self again) Okay. Let’s fill out these forms.
The 3 women start typing. (pause) They sense someone behind them but they keep on typing. (pause) The pull is strong and they look back and are surprised to see the Lawyer watching them. It’s so out of place that they doubt themselves. They look back again and the Lawyer looks away into the distance.
Facing the audience, the women wonder out loud, perplexed
LÉA Is that him?
MARY Could it be?
ROSE How could it be! Let’s get on with this!
They keep typing. (pause) They look back briefly to confirm that it’s him.
LÉA It is him!
MARY But it can’t be!
Back to typing. (pause) They look back once again and, this time, they rest their eyes on the Lawyer who still looks into the distance. They try to make sense of his presence
LÉA Is he a stalker?
MARY Should I feel flattered?
ROSE What’s going on!
They finish typing and hit the “send” button.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Send!
(pause) Agitated and scrolling the page on their screen
LÉA I think he’s wrong about having to pass accounts.
MARY We should ask him to double check.
ROSE Let’s call him.
The 3 women reach for their phones and call the Lawyer. They will have a conversation, but instead of hearing their words, the audience will only hear music; a musical conversation.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE (using the voice command on their phones) Call Lawyer!
The Lawyer who is still behind them answers his phone and looks at the women. He makes eye contact. He talks to them and the soft, comforting baritone sax plays. The Lawyer’s demeanor is that of routine work.
The women act like schoolgirls, twirling their hair and feeling nervous and shy. They turn to look at him, meet his eyes, and listen to the baritone music. When the baritone music stops, the women reply, and we hear the high excitable notes of a flute. The Lawyer listens to them and then joins in with music talk.
Now the high flute notes intermingle with the Lawyer’s baritone music. In translation, the high notes insist that passing of accounts should be waved, and the low baritone blocks the insistent notes with a No. This occurs a number of times. After a while, the music softens; the high notes relent to the low baritone and the conversation ends.
The Lawyer hangs up and waits, sure that they will call again.
The women hang up. (Pause) They call him again.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Call Lawyer!
The Lawyer answers his phone and the musical conversation begins. This time the high notes and deep baritone intermingle from the start. The women look as if they are asking questions and trying to understand things better. The Lawyer’s demeanor is that of being in charge, answering questions and giving explanations. Then the music slows down and the conversation ends as it did before.
The Lawyer hangs up and exits briskly and satisfied.
The women hang up, not quite satisfied. They touch their cell phones for a moment but do not make that third call. They are in a contemplative mood. The soft baritone sax plays in the background, almost inaudible, like a memory. They think out loud
LÉA He says that passing of accounts is a safeguard and cannot be waved.
MARY Should I trust him…
ROSE I should disagree and walk away…
LÉA But something compels me to see this through…
The mood changes. It quickens. The soft baritone is replaced by a quick drumbeat. Time to get busy, do some chores. The women take their cell phones and walk around centre stage with purpose (desks and laptops are cleared).
The 3 CLERKS wearing grey overcoats and holding shopping bags join them onstage and openly follow them. They get closer and closer to the women, bumping against them and getting in their way. At first the women think it’s pure rudeness; then they realize that it’s being done on purpose, to get their attention. They stand still for a moment and look at the men. The men stand still as well, facing the women without making eye contact. The women close their eyes and touch their yin eye. They try to register where they have seen these men before. When they open their eyes again, the Clerks have left the stage. The women look around but the Clerks are no longer there. The drumbeat slows down and ends.
There is a New York style newsstand (stage right), and, across from it, a coffee shop (stage left).
The women stand in line at the newsstand to buy a newspaper, then head to the coffee shop and stand in line for a coffee. They choose a table, coffee in hand, to read the paper. An article catches their eye. They fold the newspaper and bring the article closer to them. They read in silence. While they read, the Lawyer makes his way to the table farthest away from them with a coffee and newspaper. The women are unaware of his proximity.
LÉA (indignant) It says here that a guardianship does not require passing of accounts in a situation like ours.
MARY (pensive) That’s right. Just like we thought. Did the Lawyer really not know?
ROSE (bright idea!) Let’s call and ask him!
All 3 pick up their cell phones and make the call using voice command
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Call Lawyer!
The Lawyer talks to the women on his cell and watches them from his table.
LÉA (with a tremor in her voice, remembering him watching her) Hello, this is Léa.
LAWYER (nonchalant all the way) Hello Léa.
LÉA Hi… There’s an article in the newspaper today… all about guardianships and powers of attorney. It clearly indicates that it’s not necessary for us to pass accounts.
LAWYER Hold on. Let me take a look… (looking at the article) Indeed it does. My apologies. I will rectify this right away.
ROSE (a touch accusatory and hurt) And you said we had to!
LAWYER Sorry about that. I was not aware.
MARY (feeling bad about Rose’s accusatory tone) That’s okay. Thank you. (Pause) Um… is there any way we could come and see you or perhaps get together for coffee? There’s something we’d like to ask you.
The women would like to ask him why he’s been watching them. But how to ask that?
LAWYER I’m quite busy at the moment with work and giving talks. Perhaps another time.
LÉA Oh. What are you giving talks about?
LAWYER Oh… ethics and whatnot… at the Criminology Conference.
MARY Wow, okay. Please let us know whenever you’re free.
LAWYER For sure. Bye now.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Bye.
The Lawyer hangs up, gets up from his table and exits. His back is to the audience and we cannot see the expression on his face.
The women hang up, open the Google app on their phones, and begin searching for information on the conference
LÉA, MARY and ROSE (using voice command) Google!
Saying in turn and in a flowing manner, as they type into their phones
While the women read information on their phone screens, The LECTURE HALL AUDIENCE begins setting up chairs in front of a lectern. The sound of people chitchatting fills the stage. Léa, Mary and Rose leave the coffee shop and join them. When everyone is seated, the LAWYER comes in and stands in front of the lectern. The lecture hall audience quiets down. The Lawyer begins his talk, but instead of words, we hear his soothing baritone music. When he finishes, everyone claps and gets up to leave. The Lawyer sees the 3 women. He acknowledges their presence by raising his eyebrows in surprise and nodding at them. Feeling awkward, the women smile, give him a little wave and hurriedly walk away, making their way downstage. The Lawyer gets caught in a conversation with a group of people in the lecture hall, but the focus is on the women downstage.
The 3 women stand side by side, facing the audience. They wonder out loud
LÉA There is something peculiar about this man. He feels familiar and foreign at the same time.
MARY I’m drawn to him… like I’ve known him in the past.
ROSE But he is suspicious of us. Why else would he watch us and have us followed?
LÉA Maybe he grew suspicious when we insisted that we shouldn’t have to pass accounts. He may have thought we were hiding something.
MARY We’ll ask him when he gets in touch.
ROSE No. Let’s just send him an e-mail.
Saying out loud, in a flowing manner, as they type into their phones
LÉA (nervous) Hello. We’d like to know why you’ve been watching us and why we’re being followed.
MARY (worried) Do you suspect us of anything?
ROSE (frightened) Of being fraudsters!
The Lawyer interrupts his conversation and steps aside to read his phone screen. The group of people he was talking to say goodbye to each other and exit.
LAWYER (using a dismissive tone as he types a reply to the women’s e-mail on his phone) No, no, nothing like that. Listen, I’m busy at the moment. I will explain some other time.
The Lawyer puts his phone away. There is merriment in his eyes, in his twisted grin, and in his bouncy gait as he exits.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE (reading the Lawyer’s reply, the women turn around and cry out to the Lawyer as he exits) Wait! Tell us now!
The women exit looking dejected.
Pandora by John William Waterhouse, 1896
Outdoors in a quiet neighbourhood. LÉA, MARY and ROSE are taking a stroll downstage, enjoying the day, listening to the sounds of nature. For a few seconds, the sounds of nature are interrupted by the sound of a police siren rushing by.
The women begin to notice some sinister happenings:
A blue Dry Cleaning Service van with a white hand print drives by them. The windows are down and the women can see a man wearing a scary mask (GHOST) at the wheel. Two men, also wearing scary masks (ZOMBIE and FRANKENSTEIN), sit in the back and wave at them. The women bring their right hand to their chest and look down, protecting themselves.
The blue van with the white hand print drives by them again. This time the sign reads Pool Cleaning Service. The scary masked men wave at them again. The women get a chill.
A black car with tinted windows rolled up keeps pace with them as they walk. The women notice the car and stop walking, and the car stops beside them. They begin walking again and the car follows them. They stand still again, and the car parks beside them.
Léa takes her phone and calls 911, while Mary and Rose continue to stand still, side-glancing the car.
LÉA (tapping the numbers) 9,1,1.
A VOICE Hello, is this a life-threatening emergency?
LÉA Um, no, I guess not.
A VOICE Let me put you through to the Detective on call.
A spotlight reveals the LAWYER having a drink with the DETECTIVE in a corner upstage. They are sitting on bar stools, leaning elbows on a small round table and having a private talk.
DETECTIVE (interrupting his conversation with the Lawyer) Hello, Detective speaking.
LÉA Hello Detective, my name’s Léa. There’s someone following me, in a car…
While Léa listens to the Detective’s response, Mary and Rose watch the car drive away.
DETECTIVE Can’t really do much about that… I suggest you take a picture, add a date and time stamp.
The Detective hangs up and has a quiet laugh with the Lawyer. They nudge each other and continue talking.
When Léa looks up, the car is gone. She puts her phone away, and the women continue walking, more warily this time.
CLERK 1 rides a bicycle back and forth across the stage. He alternates between ringing the bicycle bell, and making deep breathing sounds à la Darth Vader, when he passes by them.
The women stand still. Mary takes her phone and makes a call.
DETECTIVE (giving the Lawyer a knowing smile) Hello, Detective speaking.
MARY Hello Detective, my name’s Mary. There’s this guy on a bicycle! He’s after me!
DETECTIVE Oh yeah? I suggest you take a picture, add a date and time stamp.
The Detective hangs up. He and the Lawyer are now slapping each other on the back and having a good laugh; they have to make an effort not to fall off the bar stools.
By the time Mary looks up, Clerk 1 is gone. She puts her phone away.
CLERK 2 rides a skateboard onstage. He stops next to the women, holds the skateboard and bangs it once, twice, thrice on the ground.
Rose takes her phone. She is about to make a call but stops when Léa and Mary say
LÉA and MARY Take a picture, add a date and time stamp.
When they finish saying this, Clerk 2 has skateboarded offstage. Rose puts her phone away. (Spotlight off the Lawyer and the Detective. They exit).
The women begin walking again. They don’t know what to think.
The black car returns; this time with the windows rolled down. CLERK 3 is at the wheel, wearing reflective sunglasses. He drives slowly beside the women, leans his head out the window and whistles a sinister tune, like in a horror movie. The women keep walking without looking at the Clerk. When Clerk 3 drives away, the women remain standing, expressionless, and watch the rest of the show:
A man with a YMCA moustache wearing a red plaid jacket (the LAWYER in disguise) comes on stage riding a scooter. He stares at the women eyes-opened-wide when he passes by them.
A metallic gold car with tinted windows drives toward them, slowly. The windows are half way down and the women can see a man at the wheel leaning back, as if not wanting to be seen; but they catch a glimpse of him (the DETECTIVE). The Detective then drives upstage and turns his car to face the women head-on. He picks up speed and drives straight at them, as if intending to push them off the stage. The women brace themselves in shock, waiting to be hit, but the Detective stops short of hitting them. He then backs up, turns and exits.
The women sit on the ground facing the audience, their arms wrapped around their legs, heads resting on knees, eyes closed.
A spotlight reveals the LAWYER sitting at the conference table, doing paperwork. His cell phone is on the table. A red plaid jacket and YMCA moustache lie on the chair beside him. The ASSISTANT stands next to him with a pile of forms. She hands the Lawyer one form at a time for him to review and sign.
LÉA (sitting up with indignation) This must have something to do with the Lawyer! He’s trying to scare us! He’s avoiding answering our questions!
Léa takes her phone and taps the Lawyer’s number.
ASSISTANT (answering the Lawyer’s phone) Hello?
LÉA Hello Assistant, this is Léa. Could I please speak with the Lawyer?
ASSISTANT One moment.
ASSISTANT (to the Lawyer) Léa would like to speak with you.
LAWYER (without looking up and speaking in an offhand manner) Her work is done and I will not be taking her calls anymore.
ASSISTANT (speaking into the phone) I’m sorry Léa, but the Lawyer will not be taking your calls anymore.
LÉA But he said he’d explain why he’s been watching me and having me followed!
ASSISTANT (to the Lawyer, without reacting to the information she is receiving) You said you’d explain why you’ve been watching her and having her followed.
LAWYER (shaking his head) I don’t know what she’s talking about.
ASSISTANT (to Léa) He doesn’t know what you’re talking about, Léa. Goodbye.
The Assistant hangs up and continues working with the Lawyer.
LÉA (to the phone) What do you mean!
Léa wraps her arms around her legs once again, and rests her head on her knees.
MARY (sitting up in a pensive mood) Gabriel García Márquez wrote that every man has a public life, a private life, and (pause) a secret life!
Mary takes her phone and taps the Lawyer’s number.
ASSISTANT (answering the call) Hello?
MARY (touching her yin eye) Hello Assistant, this is Mary. I need to speak with the Lawyer. I need to ask him about this yin yang eye business.
ASSISTANT (confused) What kind of business?
MARY Yin Yang! The invisible third eye in the centre of my forehead. It opened after I met him, and I’m beginning to see things… things that are usually hidden… secrets!
ASSISTANT (rolling her eyes and addressing the Lawyer) It’s Mary about yin yang, the third eye and secrets.
LAWYER (leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head, enjoying himself) I wouldn’t know anything about that. Tell her to refrain from contacting me again.
ASSISTANT (to Mary on the line, sounding strict) I’m sorry Mary, but he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. You need to refrain from contacting the Lawyer and this office again.
The Assistant hangs up and continues working with the Lawyer.
MARY (to the phone) Wait! Tell him to tell me the truth!
Mary wraps her arms around her legs once again, and rests her head on her knees.
ROSE (sitting up with a bright idea) The Lawyer!
Rose takes her phone and taps his number.
ASSISTANT (answering the call) Hello?
ROSE (rushing) Hello Assistant, this is Rose. Please give me the Lawyer for a second!
ASSISTANT (to the Lawyer) It’s Rose.
LAWYER (gleefully finding his words) Tell her to stop harassing me.
ASSISTANT (to Rose on the line) Rose, you need to stop harassing the Lawyer. You need to cease and desist or there will be trouble.
The Assistant hangs up. She leaves the forms she is holding on the table, says goodbye to the Lawyer and exits.
ROSE (to the phone) He’s lying!
Rose wraps her arms around her legs once again, and rests her head on her knees.
The stage darkens with only the spotlight on the Lawyer continuing to do his work. The Lawyer’s work is interrupted 3 times by the sound of his cell phone vibrating on the table, and the messages being recorded. “Bzzzt, bzzzt,” followed by high excitable notes. “Bzzzt, bzzzt,” followed by high excitable notes. “Bzzzt, bzzzt,” followed by high excitable notes. Each time the phone vibrates, the Lawyer looks up and smiles.
And then, complete silence. The spotlight on the Lawyer dims and turns off.
The Weeping Woman by Pablo Picasso, 1937 (National Gallery of Victoria)
There are 3 desks arranged in a semi circle downstage. LÉA, MARY and ROSE are seated at the desks working on their laptops, their cell phones within reach. The stage is dim. While the women work, car headlights light up the stage intermittently and always from a different angle. When this happens, the women look up for a moment and touch their yin eye.
The women pause their work and the stage brightens. They have a conversation.
LÉA Hello Mary, hello Rose.
MARY I was just thinking about you.
ROSE So was I. I have so much to tell you. These strange things… yin yang things keep happening in my life ever since we met the Lawyer.
LÉA and MARY Me too.
LÉA Just this morning I had a close encounter with Captain Hook.
MARY Who’s he?
ROSE Tell us!
LÉA Well, I was at the grocery store, and this creepy guy followed me while I shopped… tall, thin, with sagging pants and a long bumpy nose. (she pauses for a moment thinking back) Then I saw him again looking completely different, hair slicked back; but I recognized his Captain Hook nose. He was keeping pace with me in a blue land rover as I drove home. He seemed to be enjoying himself. It was bizarre and funny at the same time…
While Léa talks, CLERK 1 walks across the stage pushing a shopping cart. He wears sagging pants and glasses that sit low on an enormous nose.
MARY I know what you mean… you don’t know whether to feel scared or to laugh –
ROSE I had a grocery store experience as well. I was getting in my car to pick up some groceries, and I saw a guy watching me. (pause) Then I saw him again when I was at the cash register paying for my stuff. He was standing a few steps away making these weird arm movements, like branches of a tree… and he had such an idiotic expression on his face…
While Rose talks, CLERK 2 comes on stage briefly. He looks into the distance and makes weird arm movements.
MARY I know that expression… I was at the park watching my son on the swings. (pause) I thought we were alone, when I suddenly realized there were 2 men in the middle of the playground, doing a still life. It freaked me out… They were wearing black coats and derbies… like Laurel and Hardy. One had his arms wrapped around a sliding pole; the other sat next to him on the play structure. They were looking my way but staring off into space. (pause) It was so eerie and ridiculous; but they were ridiculing me, weren’t they?
While Mary talks, CLERKS 1 and 3 come on stage briefly. They are wearing black coats and derbies. Clerk 1 sits on the ground and Clerk 3 stands beside him wrapping his arms around an imaginary sliding pole. Both stare off into space.
LÉA Seems to me the Lawyer and his friends are having a good time at our expense.
ROSE You know, I see the Lawyer in my neighbourhood when I take my dog for a walk. I usually leave around 10 in the morning, and there he is, in his car, headlights on. He drives away after he sees that I’ve noticed him. What does he want!
LÉA I sometimes see him on weekends. He drives around with an old man who blows me kisses. (making a look of disgust) Can you imagine! (pause) Once they got out in front of my house and walked on my driveway pointing at the ground… as if telling me that I couldn’t cross that line. Treating me like a prisoner!
ROSE That’s funny… a man with a plaid jacket and YMCA moustache walked by my house the other day. You won’t believe this but he was holding a rabbit in a cage! I guess the rabbit was me…
MARY Do you think they’re choreographing all this just for the sport of it?
LÉA And because they can get away with it? I mean, the Detective told us to take pictures… but I’m always so surprised and frightened at what is happening, that it paralyzes me… I become a passive observer. Taking a picture doesn’t even cross my mind.
MARY and ROSE Same here.
SCREECH! The sound of a pileated woodpecker protecting her territory breaks the women’s intense conversation. The 3 of them look behind to where the sound came from. They see a police cruiser drive across the stage, windows down. The LAWYER is behind the wheel. He looks at the women and gives them a freaky smile. He is followed by the metallic gold car with the tinted windows rolled up tight. The women turn back in disbelief when the cars exit.
ROSE Did you see that!
MARY Pretty extraordinary!
LÉA Let me call the Detective. I’ll put him on speaker phone.
Léa takes her phone and taps a number.
VOICE OF THE DETECTIVE Hello, Detective speaking.
LÉA Hello Detective. This is Léa. We spoke a while ago –
VOICE OF THE DETECTIVE Yes, yes. You said someone was following you.
LÉA That and some other strange things have been happening ever since I met a Lawyer. In fact, I just saw him driving a police cruiser.
VOICE OF THE DETECTIVE No you didn’t.
LÉA What do you mean?
VOICE OF THE DETECTIVE Well, if you saw a cruiser, the only person behind the wheel would be an officer.
LÉA But I have 2 witnesses who also saw him.
VOICE OF THE DETECTIVE No, not possible.
The women look at each other. They feel there is something suspicious about this Detective.
LÉA So you don’t believe us.
VOICE OF THE DETECTIVE No.
LÉA (hanging up the phone and saying with certainty) They know each other! The Lawyer and the Detective are working together! They must be friends! I’m sure of it!
MARY (revelation) The Detective was in the gold car! He must have lent the Lawyer his cruiser! And all those weird people… Who are they! And how do they find us! How do they know where we are!
ROSE (her phone lying on her desk catches her attention) Look! My phone just turned on! It’s the Uber app showing our location!
MARY (freaked out) They’re tracking us with the Uber app!
LÉA (realization) They’ve hacked our phones! We gave the Lawyer our phone numbers when we went to see him! We have to get them changed! Let’s go! Let’s go!
The women grab their phones and leave in a hurry.
Mask Still Life III by Emil Nolde, 1911
Where the newsstand was before, there is now a cell phone kiosk, and across from it is the coffee shop. LÉA, MARY and ROSE are standing at the kiosk counter, backs to the audience. They are busy interacting with the salesperson there, changing their phone numbers.
The LAWYER and the DETECTIVE are in the coffee shop in deep conversation, heads bent low and close together. Two grey overcoats are draped over a chair beside them.
When the women finish at the kiosk, they lace their arms together and, in a thoughtful mood, make their way towards the coffee shop. A woman (the ASSISTANT in disguise, wearing a wig) comes on stage talking on her cell phone. She walks towards Léa, Mary and Rose, and brushes past them saying
ASSISTANT So I should take a picture of them? (pause) Okay, I can do that. I’ll take a picture of them, not a problem. (pause) Yup, I’ll take a picture, add a date and time stamp… She exits.
ROSE Sounds like she’s talking to the Detective –
LÉA You know, I don’t think they were just tracking our whereabouts. I also think they were listening to our phone conversations.
ROSE I agree.
MARY Why do you say that?
LÉA Well, I once had a conversation about my tooth. (touching her mouth) I had to have it pulled.
LÉA The root was fractured.
ROSE Sorry to hear that.
LÉA It’s okay… Anyways, the day after I spoke about it on the phone, I saw a man… he looked familiar… he was standing at a stop sign where I always stop on my way to work. He smiled at me and half his teeth were missing. I don’t think it was a coincidence.
The 3 women look at each other and can’t help laughing.
Unseen by the women, the Detective rises from his chair for a brief moment and smiles. He has blackened some of his teeth, and it looks as if half his teeth are missing. He then returns to his deep conversation with the Lawyer.
ROSE Something like that happened to me too. You know that homeless shelter the city wants to build?
LÉA Yes –
MARY I read about it. –
ROSE Someone called to get my opinion about it… and the next day, when I was leaving Timmy’s with my coffee, I saw a man standing outside. (pause) He was trying to light a cigarette, but his unkempt hair and enormous beard kept getting in the way. It was like a comedy act… (pause) He looked at me and started gyrating his hips. I could have sworn it was the Lawyer in disguise…
Unseen by the women, the Lawyer reaches for a fake beard under the grey overcoats and puts it on. He stands up, makes googly eyes, and gyrates his hips for a few turns. He then puts the beard away and returns to his deep conversation.
LÉA How obscene!
The women can’t help laughing again.
As they approach the coffee shop, the soft, comforting baritone music begins to play. The women see the Lawyer and the Detective, and that cuts their laughter. They stop and look at the pair from a distance.
ROSE What a coincidence. There’s the Lawyer.
MARY And there’s the Detective.
LÉA Law and Order gone astray.
ROSE Who do you think has the sardonic sense of humour?
LÉA Both of them combined.
MARY One is probably an Aquarius, the other a Scorpio. Combine an Aquarius with a Scorpio and you get wit with a sting.
The mood lightens.
ROSE I wonder what they’re planning…
MARY They do come up with some incredible performance art, don’t they.
LÉA Yes. Sometimes this whole experience feels to me like fringe theatre.
The mood darkens.
MARY With a mix of… psychological harassment, invasion of privacy –
LÉA And cruelty.
ROSE Do you think we’ve been part of an experiment? I mean… remember I told you I see the Lawyer when I take my dog for a walk at 10?
LÉA and MARY Yes.
ROSE Well, if I’m ever late, my phone rings. (pause) I used to answer it, but nobody would be on the line. I’d notice, though, that it was past 10; like 10:20 for example, and I’d hurry to get ready for my walk. (pause) Then, one day, I heard the phone ring, and found myself rushing to the door. I froze when I realized that the caller was conditioning me… Like Pavlov! (deepening her voice) It’s past 10 o’clock so get moving!
LÉA (trying to grasp the situation they’re in) My god, we’re going to need some serious aura cleansing…
MARY To think that I’ve left a trail of emails hoping the Lawyer would talk to me. Not being able to reach him has hurt like… unrequited love.
LÉA That’s not love, Mary. That’s love misplaced.
MARY I know… I’ve been such an idiot.
ROSE Me too… I’ve left a trail of phone messages –
MARY But he did inspire me to write some of my best lines this summer. (reciting) “And everybody old enough knows that unrequited love hurts in the place where life begins…”
Peals of laughter from the 3 women.
ROSE Oh my god, Mary!
LÉA You’re such a hopeless romantic!
MARY And I spiced it up with some Alice in Wonderland. (reciting) “So he may encounter a Queen of Hearts…”
LÉA, MARY and ROSE “Off with his head!”
High excitable notes begin to intermingle with the low baritone sax coming from the coffee shop.
LÉA We really got hooked in that conference room, didn’t we?
ROSE Yes we did. And during all that musical back and forth about whether or not we had to pass accounts.
MARY (looking at the Lawyer) And him watching us… he really got inside our heads. (putting her hand on her forehead and touching her yin eye) These yin yang eyes! We need to peel them off! We’re seeing too much!
Mary peels the yin eye sticker from her forehead. Léa and Rose follow suit. They hold them for a moment, then crumple them up and drop them on the ground. The high notes begin to die down while the low baritone continues. The women look up when Rose speaks.
ROSE We’re in a messy situation, aren’t we?
MARY What do you mean?
ROSE Well, if we were to make a complaint and show the email he sent us, admitting that he was watching us – he’d show all of our emails and phone messages that came after that. (pause) And we have nothing to prove that we were responding to all this yin yang activity. (pointing at the Lawyer) He certainly won’t admit to any of it, and neither will the Detective. So… the evidence would suggest that we’re-
LÉA No, it wouldn’t. We can’t be the first ones to have this kind of experience. I’m sure these guys have done this before. They’re pretty good at it.
ROSE Maybe it’s a perverse game they play.
LÉA They just wait for the right people to play it with.
ROSE (pointing at the Lawyer and the Detective with her chin) Those two should quit their jobs and join the theatre. They’d make great actors. (bright idea!) I think we should write them a play!
LÉA I think we should write a play to get this whole thing out of our system. What do you think, Mary?
MARY Like going to confession… I’m game, let’s do it. Let’s go over to my house.
The women turn around, lace their arms again, and walk away from the coffee shop chitchatting. Their pace is quick and lively and disconnected from the baritone music.
Garden Hesperides by Edward Burne-Jones, ca 1869-73
The stage is now Mary’s living room. There is a sofa in the centre, a coffee table in front, and two standing lamps on either side. Behind the sofa is a large window. LÉA, MARY and ROSE have left their cell phones on the table and their laptops on the sofa. They stand by the window looking at the sky. The describe what they see in wonderment.
ROSE What an incredible clear blue sky.
MARY Look at those sparkling dots up there, like flashes of light. What are they?
LÉA Amazing… they look like seagulls… Seagulls from heaven.
ROSE Wow, heavenly spotlights… They’re beautiful. Like a miracle.
The women look at each other. They are happy. They walk over to the sofa, make themselves comfortable and start working on their laptops. We see them hermetically interacting with each other, typing, discussing, agreeing, as the daylight fades away. The two women on either side of the sofa get up to turn the lamps on, then settle down again and continue working.
LÉA I think it’s done.
MARY Should we send it to the Lawyer?
ROSE (impulsive) Send!
LÉA and MARY (crying out at the same time that Rose hits the send button) Rose, wait!
Immediately after, the stage darkens. From the window we see the red and blue flashing lights of a police car. The women put their laptops on the table and huddle together on the sofa. We hear the VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 boom into the living room.
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 Are you Léa, Mary and Rose?
LÉA Yes we are!
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 Did you send a play to your Lawyer? Yin Yang Eyes?
MARY Yes we did!
ROSE And everything in it is true!
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 Have you seen a doctor lately?
LÉA (wondering where this is going) What do you mean?
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 How is your mental health?
ROSE How dare you!
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 Listen, if you contact the Lawyer with any more of this yin yang business, you will be charged with HARASSMENT; is that understood?
ROSE You arrogant…!
LÉA and MARY (holding Rose and trying to calm her down) It’s understood!
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #2 You’re welcome to put your play online if you’d like. And it’d be great if you included this scene. Nobody’s ever written about us before.
The women sit up. They can’t believe what they hear.
LÉA (muttering under her breath) Is this some kind of a joke?
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 (reprimanding police officer #2) What are you saying! Get back in the car!
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #2 Sorry, sir.
A car door slams.
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 (addressing the women in his booming voice) Pay no attention to him, ladies. He’s just my backup.
Another car door slams.
LÉA Wait! Who sent you here?
VOICE OF POLICE OFFICER #1 (voice muffled) The Detective!
ROSE (muttering under her breath) The nerve!
The police car drives away and the flashing lights disappear. The women are visibly shaken.
MARY How did they know we’re here? We just changed our phone numbers…
LÉA (going to the window) There’s a man in a grey overcoat standing in front of the house.
MARY (joining her) You’re right.
ROSE (joining them) Where? I don’t see him.
MARY He disappeared… Oh, he’s back.
ROSE (seeing him) That’s the idiotic expression I was telling you about –
LÉA Look, he’s going behind the poplar tree. (pause) And now he’s back in front of the house.
ROSE What kind of disappearing act is that?
MARY First they scare the hell out of us, then they do a funny act. Always this ambiguity.
LÉA (surprised and pointing at someone else outside) See that guy over there? He’s walking away with Mr. Disappearing Act. That’s Captain Hook.
MARY So that’s him…
ROSE (lightening the mood) Flashy jacket. What is it? Orange leather? Not one of those grey overcoats, for a change. Honestly, they must all get them from the same supplier.
LÉA You know, if this were a pageant, I think Captain Hook would win the prize.
The women are interrupted by a loud crunch of tires coming to a grinding halt. They look through the window and are caught in the glare of headlights. They all tense up and describe what they see.
ROSE Now what?
LÉA I can’t believe it. It’s the Lawyer.
MARY (hearing the sound of the car taking off, spitting gravel) He’s driving away.
They watch the car drive away. They turn away from the window and look at each other, afraid. They hear the crunch of tires and see the headlights hit the window again. They look outside.
ROSE He’s back. He must have gone around the block and come back. (hearing the car accelerate) And he’s going around again.
The women stay still. They hear another round of crunching tires and see the headlights. The car takes off again.
ROSE (pointing up the road) There’s the Detective’s car, parked up the road. He must be watching the Lawyer’s back.
MARY (hand on her forehead) If someone doesn’t tell me what’s going on, I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.
ROSE Maybe that’s what they want; to turn us into nervous wrecks.
The Lawyer finishes giving another round and the women are caught in the glare of headlights once again. This time, the car stays put.
LÉA He’s not driving away this time… he’s just sitting there.
MARY The Detective is joining him.
The glare of headlights intensifies.
ROSE Mary, let’s pull down the shades! I want them to go away!
MARY (pulling them down) Okay. Let’s go over to the couch.
The 3 women sit together and wait in silence until the cars drive away and the headlights disappear. The mood is sombre. Stage lights begin to fade.
ROSE What do we do now?
MARY We need to go back to the cell phone kiosk and change our numbers again.
LÉA More than that. We need to get rid of data and go back to a basic phone plan.
ROSE Okay. Should we meet there tomorrow at 6?
LÉA That works for me.
MARY Me too. Let’s keep in touch until then.
The stage goes dark.
Ophelia by John Everett Millais, 1851-52
There is a cell phone kiosk (stage right), and across from it is the coffee shop (stage left).
At the beginning of Act Seven, the stage remains dark and we only hear the voices of the women talking to each other.
MARY I dropped my kid to school this morning, and when I was walking back home, a pick-up truck slowed down beside me. The driver shook some pages at me and said, “Put the play online already!”
ROSE Same here. I was climbing up the stairs to get to chapel for choir practice, and there was a man at the top of the stairs turning some pages. He said the same thing when he saw me.
MARY Léa! Where are you?
LÉA I’ve been driving around this city with a police car tailing me. The Detective is in a humorous mood today. There was even a police car parked in front of my house when I woke up this morning.
MARY Do you think we should put the play online?
ROSE Maybe they’ll leave us alone if we do.
LÉA We’ll never know unless we do it. (pause) Listen, I’ve had it with these cops following me. I need to turn my phone off.
MARY Wait! Should I go home and put the play online?
LÉA Yes! Just do it! Bye!
ROSE See you at 6!
The stage brightens and we see LÉA, MARY and ROSE finishing up at the kiosk counter, backs to the audience. When they turn around, they each hold a flip phone in their hand.
LÉA We’ve gone back to the stone age with these phones.
MARY At this point, anything for peace of mind.
ROSE (pointing at the coffee shop) Let’s get a coffee.
LÉA and MARY Okay.
The women walk over to the coffee shop. They get their coffees and sit together at a table with a view of centre stage.
A drumbeat fills the air. The ASSISTANT walks onstage. She wears a neon orange dress and holds a flip phone to her ear. She looks at the 3 women as if informing the person she is talking to of their whereabouts.
The Drumbeat gets louder. An orange mini cooper driven by the LAWYER comes onstage and happily drives around centre stage. The 3 CLERKS on rollerblades, wearing bright orange t-shirts and shorts, join him. The women stare, eyes wide open.
The DETECTIVE, dressed in black but wearing an orange toque, joins the circus wheeling his motorcycle. He parks it downstage, puts a pair of sunglasses on, and strikes a pose.
LÉA (looking at Mary and having to raise her voice to be heard) You put the play online, didn’t you?
MARY Yes I did!
ROSE (cannot help smiling) I think it gave them an ego boost!
LÉA I think they all want first prize!
ROSE (pointing at the Clerks who are wearing grey over-the-calf socks) But they forgot to change their socks!
The blue Dry Cleaning Service van is brought onstage. The Clerks put on their scary masks and drive the van pointing and laughing at the women. The Assistant points and laughs at the women too.
LÉA (rising from her chair, flip phone in one hand and coffee in the other) Time to go!
MARY (doing the same) Time to go!
Rose is mesmerized by the show.
LÉA and MARY Rose! Time to go!
ROSE (tearing her eyes away from all the action and grabbing her flip phone and coffee) Let’s go! They exit.
The Assistant sees the 3 women leave.
ASSISTANT (to the circus) Hey guys! They left!
The drumbeat is turned off abruptly.
LAWYER (braking) Are you sure?
The Circus gathers around the Lawyer.
ASSISTANT (pointing at the coffee shop with her flip phone) Yes!
LAWYER Okay everyone! Time to go! I have rehearsal!
CLERK 2 You mean for this play?
LAWYER (he can’t believe his ears) Not for this play. This is my secret life. I have a real life to go back to. Let’s go! The circus exits.
Aurelia by Dante Gabriel Rossetti, ca 1863-73
Outdoors in a quiet neighbourhood. LÉA, MARY and ROSE are walking together (stage left to stage right). The metallic gold car, windows rolled down, trails behind the 3 women. The DETECTIVE sits at the wheel and the LAWYER sits in the back, both trying to keep a straight face, eyes focused on the road.
LÉA They’re either trying to trigger us to react and do something rash –
ROSE So they can charge us with harassment and be done with us –
MARY Or they want this play to continue.
LÉA But this play has exhausted itself.
MARY Just the thought of describing one more skit makes me ill.
ROSE It’s like a road that leads to nowhere.
When they reach half way across the stage, the metallic gold car starts to slowly go in reverse, and the women start walking backwards. Realizing what is happening, the women make themselves stop. The metallic gold car continues to go in reverse. The women make an effort to take one step forward, then the next and the next, as if going against the magnetic pull of the metallic gold car. The further they go, the easier it is for the women to walk forward freely.
The women exit walking at their normal pace (stage right).
The men exit in reverse (stage left).
Ulysses and the Sirens by John William Waterhouse, 1891
Yin Yang Eyes Ottawa, May 9, 2017
Behind the scenes
The story of Clerk 1 (bald)
Leclerc was a daydreamer. He wanted to be a hockey god, but instead of practising and improving his skills, he’d sit on a park bench for hours on end imagining his success. When he graduated from college, his dad helped him get a job with the CRA’s collections department. He found power sitting at his desk terrorizing people over the phone to pay the money they owed or else… From time to time he’d check on accounts he had no business with, and he’d make calls to ask questions he had no business asking. He didn’t know the CRA’s new software could detect such irregularities, and soon enough, he was fired.
Leclerc turned to alcohol for comfort. He began spending his drunken days sitting on a folding chair at a lookout overseeing the Ottawa River. He didn’t see the beauty of the landscape; all he saw was his own stagnant and miserable life. He decided to end it once and for all on his 40th birthday; he simply got up and jumped. The shock of the icy water jolted him out of his stupor and he cried out for help when he surfaced. Lucky for him, a group of boys at a brave and daring age heard him and rescued him. They dragged him out of the water and left him lying on the river bank. He lay there looking at the clear blue sky as if for the first time. The weak sun tried warming his pale skin, and the wind gently carried and dropped a gift on his chest – a flyer. Blinking water out of his eyes, he picked it up and read:
3 OFFICE CLERK JOB OPENINGS AT A LAW FIRM Requirements:
- Ability to file, photocopy and answer phone calls
- Ability to perform skits
Call 888-613-1111 and schedule your interview with Shiv
Leclerc couldn’t believe it. He held the flyer close to his heart and said, “I’m saved.”
The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo, ca. 1512
Clerk 3 (bearded), feeling guilty
A CONVERSATION IN A POLICE STATION
POLICE OFFICER Are you here to make a complaint?
CLERK 3 I’m not sure I can because I’m involved.
POLICE OFFICER Okay, why don’t you sit down and tell me what’s going on.
CLERK 3 I got hired by a law firm as an office clerk, but my responsibilities are not just to file, photocopy and answer phone calls. I also perform skits to entertain clients. I’m pretty sure, though, that I’m not entertaining them…
POLICE OFFICER Explain.
CLERK 3 Well, we listen in on a client’s conversation and then we perform a skit so that the client knows we’ve been listening.
POLICE OFFICER At the firm?
CLERK 3 No, no. We track their whereabouts and we perform for them outdoors.
POLICE OFFICER What the-
CLERK 3 I’ll give you an example: A client was talking to her son about a green organization; so my boss had me dress up in a green t-shirt and green tights, and he told me to ride my bike next to the client when she was walking to the library. I did heavy breathing to make sure she noticed me.
POLICE OFFICER How do you know the client made the connection? She may have thought that you were just, you know, some kind of weirdo.
CLERK 3 Well, in the case of this particular client, we’ve done it enough times for her to know that it’s not a coincidence. She’s changed her phone number several times, but each time we’ve shown her that it’s no use. We just do another skit based on a conversation she’s had with her new phone number.
POLICE OFFICER You’ve come here to tell me that your job involves invading people’s privacy and harassing them… Do you have any incriminating evidence?
CLERK 3 No.
POLICE OFFICER What’s the purpose of it?
CLERK 3 I don’t know.
POLICE OFFICER Well, there’s nothing I can do about it, but you can quit.
CLERK 3 I’m not sure I can…
POLICE OFFICER Right. If you’re looking for absolution, you’ve come to the wrong place.
The Croppy Boy (The Confession of an Irish Patriot) by Charlotte Schreiber, 1879
Clerk 2 (scruffy), clueless
He went to La Grotte on his day off and was surprised to see Police Officers #1 and #2 prostrated on the ground before the crucifix praying: Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses... Such humility, he thought.
He moved away to give them privacy, and went to kneel before the statue of the Virgin: Virgin Mary, my mom left you a note asking you to help me get this new job at the law firm. I got it. Thank you. I mean, working for Canada Post was good, but this is so much better. More like play than work. I get to follow people in a big pick-up truck, and yesterday, I spent the full day at the Capital Fair acting like some kind of secret agent. I even got to wear my new cool reflective sunglasses. Thank you. He made the sign of the cross and left. It was a hot day and he decided to drive to the Dairy Queen. On his way there, he spotted the client he had been entertaining at the fair. He slowed down, stuck his head out the window and made an angry face.
The Detective in conversation with his psychologist and dog trainer (A clean cut man, wearing metal frames, with a well-trained dog by his side).
DETECTIVE They put the play online.
PSYCHOLOGIST That’s what you wanted.
DETECTIVE Yes, but I’ve been trying to get them to add more skits. I’ve been introducing new characters, but they just won’t pick them up. I mean, I’ve brought in some of our most striking fellows: an Anderson Cooper type, quite imposing in his Ford Excursion; another who looks like Sam Elliott, except he uses a walking cane; even a guy who resembles Erik the Red – minus the helmet – but I did have him stand next to a body of water. In fact, I’ve put them everywhere – mall, theatre, library, you name it –
PSYCHOLOGIST They’re not attached to you.
PSYCHOLOGIST Who did the women form their initial attachment to?
DETECTIVE The Lawyer. God only knows why… I’m better looking than him, rugged and tall. Bah! Probably because of his voice – that deep baritone of his.
PSYCHOLOGIST He needs to be present when you introduce a new character. Even for a brief moment.
A few days later…
PSYCHOLOGIST Did it work?
DETECTIVE I think so… The Lawyer was there when we introduced an old man being chauffeured in an Audi. The women responded by having the 3 Clerks wear masks: Ghost, Zombie and Frankenstein.
PSYCHOLOGIST The old man must have been pretty creepy.
Léa, Mary and Rose
Excerpt from an interview with Léa, Mary and Rose
INTERVIEWER They say that every crisis brings an opportunity. Would you say that meeting the Lawyer brought you an opportunity?
MARY (touching her forehead and looking at her friends) Yes.
ROSE It did.
LÉA Because of him, we experienced having –
LÉA, MARY and ROSE Yin Yang Eyes.
LÉA We got to see a world we never knew existed –
ROSE People so bold and different from us –
MARY Doing things we could never do. People ruled by Mars-
ROSE and the Sun.
LÉA And we ended up having conversations with… cars. It’s amazing how we could tell who was in the driver’s seat by the way they drove.
MARY Police Officer #1 was the most flamboyant.
ROSE The Lawyer always reminded us of Herbie the Love Bug.
LÉA I wonder if our play spiced up his love life…
MARY Either that or it ended up fueling his-
Red Canna by Georgia O’Keeffe, 1927
INTERVIEWER Thank you, ladies. We’ve run out of time. (something catches her eye outside, and she looks out the window) Did you ask for a taxi? There’s Taxi 870 waiting in the parking lot.
LÉA Our car broke down – but we didn’t call a taxi; we called CAA.
INTERVIEWER I do see a CAA truck… And a student transportation van… strange… the driver keeps flashing his headlights on and off: on off, on off, ha ha, ha ha. You know, I see what you mean by a car taking the personality of the driver: There’s a gold car out there that appears to have a mocking smile; and an opaque black car with tinted windows that looks very threatening. There’s also a car with splashes of all the primary colours doing a funny dance. You have some interesting choices.
LÉA, MARY and ROSE I think we’ll walk.